What Were They Thinking? The 10 Dumbest Comic Book Characters of All Time
Quick raise of hands, who else is excited about the new “Fantastic Four?” For us, superhero movies are like those tiny chocolates you find on your pillow at hotels: We just can’t get enough.
If you think the ability to stretch your body to superhuman lengths is a little out there, then you should check out our list of the 10 dumbest/weirdest/lamest and even a little racist comic book characters. You won’t believe some these characters were actually real.
10. Turner D. Century
Real Name: Clifford F. Michaels
Background: This little dandy likes to dress up in old-fashioned suits and ride a flying bicycle around San Francisco. Oh! And he tried to build a time horn that was intended to kill anyone under the age of 65. Name makes more sense now, huh?
Real Name: Douglas Ramsey
Background: This former X-Men’s mutant power is the ability to quickly understand any language. OK. That’s not terrible. This guy’s like a translator on steroids. Unfortunately, Marvel didn’t think much of him, so they killed him off. Then they brought him back. And then they killed him off again.
8. Bouncing Boy
Real Name: Chuck Taine
Background: Bouncing Boy’s able to his expand his body into the form of a sphere, thereby giving him the ability to bounce off walls. That’s it. The guy’s shaped like a balloon and can bounce. Even worse, he obtained his “superpowers” by drinking a potion he mistook for a soda.
7. Jean de Baton-Baton
Real Name: Jean de Baton-Baton
Background: We kid you not; this guy’s super power is the ability to defeat enemies with “the power of his Frenchness.” He uses a baguette to beat his opponents and sometimes uses garlic and onions to spray on his foes. Sort of sounds like a vampire hunter. Nope, he’s just your typical French stereotype.
6. Pink Pearl
Real Name: Pearl Gross
Background: Remember the Blob from X-Men? Yeah, he was pretty lame. Here’s his female equivalent, complete with pink muumuu and total lack of any powers except a superhuman appetite for Oreos and fried foods.
Real Name: Unknown
Background: Like his name suggests, Eye-Scream has the power to turn into any ice cream flavor in the world. He was so jealous of his fellow X-Men and their more adept powers that he devised a half-thought plan to destroy them. Obviously, he failed. If we were him we’d turn into Cherry Garcia and reform the Grateful Dead.
4. Condiment King
Premiered: Batman: The Animated Series (1994)
Real Name: Mitchell Mayo
Background: This supervillain combines various condiments into one MEGA condiment he uses to shoot at people. We wonder if Condiment King ever cracked the recipe for the Big Mac’s secret sauce?
3. Clock King
Real Name: William Tockman
Background: The guy’s never late. That’s it. He’s so incredibly timely he uses intricate clock-related traps to help defeat his foes. (Spoiler: He never wins.)
2. Stilt Man/Lady Stilt Man
Real Name: Wilbur Day
Background: Stilt Man (and his female counterpart) is able to walk on stilts easily. You ever tried walking on stilts? It’s hard. Really. I guess you could call stilt walking a superpower, but it’d be a really lame one.
1. Egg Fu
Real name: Chang Tzu
Background: Egg Fu was a giant egg with Asian features and a Fu Manchu moustache. If you combine Mickey Rooney in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and Shaq making “ching chong” noises at Yao Ming into one thing, it still isn’t 1/10th as racist as Egg Fu.
On a scale from 1-10 (with 1 being Ben Affleck’s “Daredevil” and 10 being “The Dark Knight”), let us know where you think “Ant-Man” stands.
Did we miss anyone? Leave us a comment with your picks/movie predictions/favorite X-Men below.
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